Two Out of Three is BAD
by No pen names left
Summary: Deacon told him that to use magic one needed belief, strong will and focus. Crap! Two out of three can really ruin your week. Stiles manages to turn himself into a girl. Can he make survive it?
1. Day One

AN: This whole story started out as a short in my "Stiles Has Enough" collection. SpaghettiTacos wanted more. So there will be more, much more. Any love of this story is should go to SpaghettiTacos. This story is dedicated to you!

Day One

It's not the ash, the weird symbols, or even the fact that I have to use my own blood for this spell; no, that's fine with me but I have no idea how I am going to explain the five cuts on my wrists to my dad. He's gonna think I've turned cutter and joined some lemon club, spending all my time staring at my blood and stuff.

Because, yeah, dealing with werewolves is normal next to that.

I had the last symbol painted, the ash was spread and mixed with my blood, all that was left was the final push. This was where belief and strong will came in to play. I can't say I wasn't just a little disappointed when I found out there were no ancient chants to make the spell work. Seriously, how can that many cool movies be so very wrong?

It wasn't fair. The alpha pack had a Voodoo Priestess working for their team with all this dark hair braided with feathers and bones. The silver markings that she had swirling under her cheeks made her look like a real movie villain. If I have to go up against THAT I should at least get a cool chant.

Resting my hand against the final signal I pushed my thoughts outward, imagining and believing a brilliant blue shield of protection around our territory, one that would keep the alpha pack out until the Calvary arrived.

The releasing spell felt like a burp. Not a quiet one that you can pass off as clearing your throat but a giant belching one that has everyone in a five mile range looking at you in disgust.

The spell moved out from my chest, spreading across the forest with a crisp blue glow reminiscent of Derek's beta eyes. "Yes! I am the voodoo queen of the Hale Pack. Take that you psycho alphas" I crowed as the spell grew in intensity.

My feet tapping, back self - patting, joy was short lived. The blue started to bounce, like a pinball through the trees. Crap! Oh, right, there were three things: belief, will, and FOCUS. But really, I'm the ADD king; does anyone really expect me to focus for more than two minutes at a time?

My bouncy little spell backtracked straight toward me, knocking me off my feet and halfway across the clearing. As it struck, it felt like my entire chest had fallen asleep, filled with sparkling tingles that were just shy of pain. Hitting the ground, ass over tea kettle was truly painful. Well, it was painful to wake up from; I don't exactly remember my landing.

My ear was buzzing, a loud annoying sound and dammit, who is feeding caffeine to bees, aren't they busy enough without the awesome help that is coffee flowing through their little insect veins. "I'm not a flower, go pollinate someone else"

The buzzing stopped and I let out a relieved breath and let myself start to drift back into the darkness when "Hungry Like the Wolf" cut through my peaceful attempt at unconsciousness.

Pawing at it, I managed to answer before Derek could wolf out and lunge through the phone. "Hey, Derek"

"What the hell happened? Where are you?"

"The spell got a little frisky with me but I'm fine. I'll start heading back" _As soon as my eyes uncrossed.  
_  
"You sound funny. Are you sure you are alright." I love it when Derek gets all worried and caring. It always means a night of really great "you're my mate and I can't stand it when you are hurt" sex. How Derek manages to be tender and loving and STILL break the bed is beyond me. The mattress dude is starting to give Derek some pretty strange stares.

"'m fine, worry wolf. Can you tell if the spell is working?"

The deep rumble coming out of my phone let me know exactly how little Derek was buying the 'I'm fine' line. I guess I have used it too many times and not meant it for my protective mate to believe me. "There is a blue mist that showed up a couple of minutes ago and does not seem to be dissipating so I think yes, the spell worked."

"Good, I'm heading your way. I need a shower, bandages, and alpha loving when I get back."

I heard Derek's soft huff of amusement through the line. "In that exact order?"

"No, feel free to mix it up when I get home."

Standing was interesting, as in a 'I have baby Bambi legs and I don't know how to use them' way. I wobbled and weaved to the nearest tree and braced myself, fighting the waves of dizziness that threatened to take me back into Passed Out Ville. I felt strangely top heavy and weak.

Pushing my bangs out of my eyes, I reached for my phone to call for some alpha backup. I'm not too proud to call for help.

_Bangs? I don't have bangs._

Running my fingers through my hair I felt its new length. It seemed to be about three inches longer. My head took another dizzy spin and I leaned against the bark of the tree letting its roughness scratch my back as I slid to the forest floor. "What the heck did I do?"

The wind chilled and I wrapped my arms around my chest for warmth. "Holy cheese sticks and gravy. What the hell is this?" They were soft and round instead of hard, okay hard-ish, and flat. Pulling my T-shirt collar down I stared at my chest. _Oh, God that is so NOT my chest. This is some girl's chest. How did their chest get on my chest?_

"Oohh SHIT!"

Fumbling fingers struggled with the button of my jeans shaking so hard I couldn't unbutton the damn thing. Finding out that my jeans slid off my slimmer hips was both a sudden relief and new waking nightmare.

My boxers quickly followed my jeans to the forest floor. Smoothness, flatness, a soft expanse of skin ending in soft brown curls between my legs. "Where the hell did my monkey go? Ohgodohgodohgod." Arms akimbo, flailing wildly I shuffled backwards from the heart wrenching sight until my jeans, still pooled at my ankles, tripped me up sending me back to the forest floor.

I ran searching fingers up and down my new body, my brain just registering that the wetness on my face was tears and the sounds I was hearing were my own cries.

The damn phone buzzed again. "Who would call at a time like this?" I restrained my urge to throw the buzzing nightmare into the nearest tree and checked my message. My favorite alpha was worrying about me which was great because I was worrying about me too.

**Something came up with dad**, I typed. **Sorry**.

I pulled my pants up on my way to my jeep, hopping and stumbling my way across the forest. There was only one person to go to in a situation like this. I hope Dr. Deaton makes house calls.

AN: Okay – to explain the "monkey". I have decided that monkey is what Stiles calls his more private parts of his body. Hey, its Stiles – do you think he calls it something normal? And, yes, there are people out there that call IT a monkey. (I will not reveal names or point fingers because I want to live another day but he is younger than me and knows where I live.)


	2. Day Two

Day Two

Lydia was handling this a little too well. Really? I turn up on her doorstep at three in the morning as a GIRL and the biggest response I get is a slight widening of her eyes. She could at least have the decency to swoon or gasp dramatically. But no, my horrible predicament was met by a calm, "How did you manage to do this to yourself Stiles?"

I explained my whole woeful story while perched on the edge of her bed. Years of my dirtiest fantasies involved me being alone with Lydia, in her room, on her bed, but in none of them was I a girl. Karma is laughing it's ass off at me.

"Did Deaton tell you how long this would last? Is this permanent?"

"My spell was worded until the Calvary comes. At least that's what I think went through my mind. I wasn't really paying attention."

Have you ever seen someone walk into a glass door? Someone who is not me, because I have never done something like that. You have that look, a mixture of pity and howling mad laughter. That's how Lydia was looking at me.

"You released a spell and weren't paying attention? Isn't that just," She paused, tilting her head so that her hair framed her face in perfect wave. "Hmmm, well I guess it would be just like YOU."

I ran both hands through my much longer hair pulling my hands into fists at the tips, giving the brown locks a long tug. "Thanks for your help with the cheering me up and helping me survive the most awful thing ever. I'm so glad I didn't go running to someone who would make me feel bad, say like Chris Argent or Peter the Undead".

"Sorry" Lydia didn't sound sorry but being enveloped by her scent as she hugged me made it somewhat better. Oh god! Does that make me gay?

Lydia took another closer look at me. A truly scary look. It was a 'I think I want that lobster in the tank' look and I was the unlucky lobster.

Perfect lips curved upward into a perfect smile. "If you're going to be in a girl's body for the next week or so, we will have to go shopping. You can sleep in the guest room as long as you need it. I'll call Allison in the morning and we will pamper ourselves."

I don't know what was more terrifying; shopping, Allison finding out, or discovering what pampering meant.

Girls are insane! Truly mentally deranged and in need of in house care because who in their sane mind gets up at six in the morning so they can fix their hair. It's hair! You wash it and BANG, it's done. The brief view of the array of torture devices laid out for me on Lydia's counter had me wondering if coming clean with Derek might have been my better choice.

The shower was awful. The water was a perfect temperature and the shower heads sprayed water at the perfect strength. There were sweet smelling lotions and soaps, fluffy, colorful scrubbies and multiple types of shampoos. I stood under the spray for minutes trying to work up the courage to touch my body.

I totally chickened out by starting with my hair. Rubbing briskly I lathered up and the thick bubble started running down my chest and back, tickling the curve of my back.

There was a choice of purple soap, pink soap, or a vanilla oatmeal exfoliating rub which was a un-girly tan color. I placed a giant dollop of oatmeal on the hot pink scrubby and closed my eyes. _It's my body and I feel like a total pervert._

The soap felt smooth against my stomach, the scrubby adding just the right amount of tactile drag to make the sensation pleasant. I moved upward across my chest and _oh, that feels good._I let my thumb gently stroke over my nipple and felt it tighten under my touch, a warmth spreading down my body, pooling between my legs.

"Stiles? Are you okay in there?"

My eyes flew open and the shampoo bubbles immediately blinded me. Slipping on my dropped scrubby, I tumbled backwards, one hand grasping for the towel rack and the other grabbing the curtain which came down with multiple pops as each ring gave way.

My newly rounded rump felt slightly bruised but I had to give it props for having the extra padding. Landing ass first on the old, male version of the Stiles' butt would have been more painful.

Lydia looked down at me as I fought my way out of the shower curtain. "I think you might want to stick to baths for the next week or so."

Three types of hair brushes, smelly gel, foamy gel, and two strange attachments to the hair dryer later I was ready for the big hair reveal. My bangs ended just above my eyebrows and the sides brushed the tips of my ears. It looked just slightly tussled in that sexy, bed head way that apparently takes almost an hour for girls to achieve.

Speechless was becoming a habit for me. My mouth opened and closed but no sound emerged.

"Now we just need to do your make up." _Oh, shoot me now!_

Allison arrived, just missing the adventures of eye lash curling and drawing black lines on the inside of my eye lids. And why do I look like a stranded fish when Lydia puts on the black gunk. As soon as I squint my eyes so she can comb the eye tar on my lashes my lips immediately pucker up.

I felt like a complete fool until I caught a glance at myself in the mirror.

"Lydia" It was a girl-ly gasp of shear amazement and awe.

"You make a pretty girl, Stiles." That was an understatement. I'm a guy, well most days, and I know hot when I see it and hot was staring back at me from the mirror.

Allison walked in the door and I finally got the reaction I wanted. She let out a breathy gasp, hand fluttering to her chest, mouth forming an 'O' of disbelief. "Stiles?"

"I messed up the spell a little."

"When are you telling Derek? Or Scott?"Damn, she _would_think of that.

"I can't. I just can't face them like this. Scott will just laugh, I know but I'm not sure how Derek will react. It's only a week or two. I can dodge him for that long."

I could feel the silent girl communication taking place over my head. I guess having a girl's body did not mean I had the girl body language translator installed.

"Stiles," Lydia's voice took on a soft lilt, as if talking to a frightened and lost child. "What do you think will happen if he found out? Why are you afraid to tell him?"

The panic rose in my chest so quickly that I had no chance of fighting it. My breathing became shortened and I found myself clutching both girls' hands in mine. "What if he likes me more as a girl? It's his wolf that wanted me, the boy me. What if the non-wolf Derek likes the girl me better? What if he realizes what a mistake I am? That his wolf trapped him with a spastic teen with a big mouth and all he really wants is some quiet girl."

Allison hugged me tightly while Lydia attempted damage control with my eye makeup. The girls comforted me with, "Shhh, it will be alright. He loves you just the way you are" and "Don't cry, your mascara will run and I will have to start all over."

Pulling myself together, I gave a watery smile to Allison and allowed Lydia to carefully wipe beneath my eyes and apply another coat of something to my face. Is there an instruction manual? How do girls know how to do all this stuff. My mind wheeled.

Then my world ended. I could feel the building panic, the horror, the terror. "What is it Stiles?"

"I think I need to use the restroom." I don't think the girls understood the gravity of my situation. I'm missing the most important part for completing that bodily function. I could hear their muffled laughter as I entered, closing the door with more force than was necessary. I felt so helpless just sitting there. How was I ever going to make a week?

You would think my day would get better. No! After a breakfast that consisted of a couple of grapes and a spoonful of egg whites with no butter, salt, cheese, or _flavor_we headed to a beauty salon where I was whisked away to a back room.

The room was filled mostly by a tall padded cot and a strange steaming pot. I was instructed to remove my pants and lay down. Counting the tiles, I wondered what awaited me next on my lovely trip into female-hood. Water boarding?

Thick warm liquid was smoothed onto my leg followed by a strip of white cloth. I was moments away from asking if this was a new massage technique when the strip was violently pulled from my leg. Along with my hair.

Girls do this! To themselves! And pay people to do it to them!

"Lydia!" I shrieked. Yes, I went full on, total helpless girl freak out. The door popped open and Lydia walked over to hold my hand.

"She's lead a sheltered life. They didn't even use razors in her home. They all just went natural." Lydia and the torture lady shared a look of pity and disbelief before returning to the job at hand. That job being to peal the hair from my legs.

"Stiles, just relax. It doesn't really hurt."

"Why do you hate me so much?" She lied. It hurts, it hurts a lot. I've been beat up by geriatric psychopaths that hurt less than this.

After they stripped mined my legs for every last hair, I was lead to a chair attached to a tub of water. It was a little foot hot tub and the chair vibrated and massaged my back. _Okay, this I can do._The chair jiggled and hummed me into a false sense of security while Lydia and Allison pow-wowed off to the side.

"What do you think of this color, Stiles?" Lydia held a bottle of dark, grayish purple in front of my face forcing me to cross my eyes to make it out.

I was not sure of the proper response. "Uh, it's pretty?" I guess that was the right one because I was rewarded with a Lydia full on smile. This was the smile that could stop Jackson in his tracks and bend him to her ever whim.

Torture lady showed back up and brought her evil clone with her. Taking a seat on a small bench at my feet she started to scrub my feet and then clip and shape my nails. Lydia and Allison stood by and watched me closely to make sure I didn't try to escape. But compared to the hair removal this was relaxing and pleasant.

I dozed off in the chair as my nails dried. My adventure from the night before plus running on less than four hours of sleep had me willing and able to take a nap anywhere.

Allison gently nudged me awake as torture lady slipped on a pair of flip flops Lydia had brought with her from home. Both girls were smiling as if it was Christmas and I was their present. Why couldn't they look at me like that when I was a boy? Not that I'd want them to because there's Derek now, but before, before Derek it would have been nice.

Lydia held out a credit card with evil glee. "Now we will shop!"

"I don't want you to spend too much on me. I can't pay you back and I'm only going to need clothes for a week."

"It's my Dad's card. It's guilt money for not being able to make it to the hospital to see me when I was almost dying. I wouldn't wear anything bought with his money now! Even if my only other choice was Wal-Mart I wouldn't touch a dime of it. But spending it on you is perfect. Let's really dent his bank account."

Our first stop on what from this point on will be known as the Shopping trip from Hell was Victoria's Secret. I've always wanted to see what was beyond the doors of that erotically scented, skimpy mannequin draped door. I just never wanted to wear any of it!

Allison and Lydia split up as soon as they entered the store. Lydia made a bee line to the counter to request a fitting. The Goddess Aphrodite stepped from around the corner, gave me an appraising look, and led me to the back, grabbing flimsy scraps of lace along the way.

"Why don't you go in the first stall and take off your shirt and bra and I will be right with you." I shot Lydia a panicked look. Last time I removed an item of clothing in a small room I had the hair ripped from my body. I was not sure what Aphrodite was planning to remove.

"She's going fit you for a bra. Don't worry. I'll be right out front." Lydia closed my door leaving me to struggle with the clasps of the 'loner bra' by myself.

A soft knock announced the arrival of Aphrodite. She quickly measured my chest and smiled. "You're a 34C. I'll be right back with some bras for you to try." I looked down at my naked chest, still too embarrassed to touch my own body. I'm not sure what girls mean by 34C but I'm pretty sure the boy translation is 'nice rack'.

The next hour was a whirlwind of under wires, padded vs. non padded, front hook vs. back hook, and strapless. I ended up caring a large bag filled with a rainbow assortment out of the store. Lydia made a bee line for the food court. Hey, the day was starting to look up. I could use some curly fries.

Karma is a back stabbing daughter of a motherless butt fucked goat!

No food! Really, they walked right passed counters of carbohydrate goodness, sugary concoctions, and salty heaven without even turning their heads. I don't know how they do it because my spoonful of tasteless eggs and the lone grape had long since been digested.

Lydia lead me straight into the girl's room. Had I been paying attention and not so distracted by the food, I would have balked at the sight. At least the girl's room is all stalls. I still felt like a stalker pervert.

"Come on, you need to change so we can try on clothes. Put these on." Lydia handed me a lace pair of panties and matching bra. They were a dusky rose color and oh god I just went totally gay! I'm gay! Wait? Am I? God I hate this spell.

"There! I'm changed. Can we get some food now? And why is there only a string for the back of my underwear? What do I do if it gets lost back there?"

Lydia and Allison had to hold on to each other, their laughter bending them in half as they clutched each other and their own sides. I've decided that the word 'girlfriends' is an oxymoron or something. I think 'girl' and 'friend' must be polar opposites because if this is friendship I am a walking dead man.

"Glad to be the comic relief for the day. Can we eat now?"

I couldn't completely understand the words that were gasped out between gales of laughter but I caught "no" and "shopping". At first I was hopeful that my torture was over but then I realized that it was a "no" to the food. I swear girls must live on sunshine and moonbeams because I was starving and they didn't even blink as they walked past the free sample.

I inhaled every sample I could reach.

Apparently girls don't outgrow their love of dolls they just want bigger versions of them. I had become Lydia's and Allison's childhood fantasy: a life sized living Barbie doll. I contemplated throwing myself on one of the hangers but it wouldn't kill me and Lydia would bitch about getting blood on the silk.

I was forced to try on short skirts, really short skirts, and items of clothing that could only be described as butt fringe. The clothing combinations rained over the dressing room door faster than I could try them on. The store attendants gleefully joined in, suggesting new pairings and accessories that needed to be added to each ensemble.

"Stiles? Honey? How do you feel about getting your ears pierced?"

"If I'm putting any holes in my head right now it will be with my dad's '45."

"Someone's cranky. Maybe we should stop for a bite to eat before shopping for shoes." I was out the door, hopping on one foot as I tied my shoe before Allison even finished her sentence.

"You had me at 'eat'" I couldn't help the silly grin. There are a few things I truly love: my dad, Derek, Scott, my jeep, Derek's abs, Derek's smile, Derek's ass...the list goes on. Okay, so there is a mountains worth of things I truly love but food is definitely on the list.

We managed to lug the impressive amount of shopping bags down to the food court and found ourselves a large enough table so that the three of us and the bags could sit comfortably.

"I'll treat for lunch." With a smile, Allison headed off.

Lydia glowed. Shopping was her element. I on the other hand was wiped. My arms and legs hurt and the strip of cloth riding up my ass was about to drive me mad. I kept shifting in my seat, trying to work it out but it just kept rolling against my flesh. I think I'm starting to like it.

_I am going to need years of therapy after this. Years!_

Allison returned with three heaping bowls of lettuce. Lettuce with little squares of grilled chicken and a microscopic container of dressing on the side. I could only stare at her in horror.

"How do you survive? Are you part plant? Soak in some sunshine; go through a little photosynthesis and your good to go? If you don't feed me some real food today I will run away."

Un-phased by my rant, Lydia popped a cherry tomato into her mouth. Aside from Derek shirtless, it had to be one of the hottest things I had ever seen. And yes, I am totally aware of how screwed my sexuality is at this point.

"Where you going to run? Derek? Scott?" It's a good thing Lydia has devoted her life to Jackson, style, and getting a triple major at a top university because if she ever set her sights to it, she could rule the world as its evil dictator overlord.

Wisely, I shut my mouth and ate my rabbit food.

I devoured my salad before the girls had eaten more than a couple of bites and was sneaking croutons off Allison's plate when Lydia let out a little squeak of despair. Her hands flew to her purse quickly pulling out a small mirror and a tube of gloss. An expert swipe and pucker of lips and she turned on her mega watt smile as Jackson sat down next to me.

I admit I puckered too, just not with my lips. Crap, Jackson! My hiding was over.

"Lydia, girls" He purred as he leaned forward to slip his fingers around Lydia's. "I'm glad I ran into you today."

Pod person. He's a pod person. It's the only reason I can think of to explain his behavior. Gone was his usual asshole smirk and in its place was a charming, soft smile. Damn, I could get to like THIS Jackson.

Jackson glanced my way and smiled warmly. Okay, wow, now I understand why the girls all crush on him. "Hi, I'm Jackson"

"This is St..uh, Starla. She's new in town and I asked her to join us for shopping." Thank God Jackson is new to being a wolf because even with my weak, overly perfumed senses I could smell that lie.

"Welcome to Beacon Hills, Starla." Charming, he was being charming. To me! I am the hottest girl ever. Jackson turned his attention back to the girls. "Have either of you seen or heard from Stiles recently? Derek's getting intense."

Allison's eyes widened as her faced blushed a cherry red. Thank God Lydia knows how to lie because if it was up to Allison my goose would be cooked. "Did they have a lovers spat?" She tossed her hair and ran a single crimson nail across the back of Jackson's wrist.

Jackson's eyes darted my direction and he raised an eyebrow in the girls' direction. "No, Stiles was at the PARTY out on the preserve and except for a couple of brief texts, no one has seen or heard from him."

"If I see Stiles I will tell him to text Derek." Jackson nodded briskly and stood.

"I just had to run a few errands. Will I see you tonight?" At Lydia's quick nod, Jackson left after brushing his lip gently across her brow. It was the sweetest thing I had ever witnessed from Jackson.

As soon as Jackson was out of werewolf range both girls turned on me. "You have to tell him something." Allison hissed. "He's worried about you. You can't let this go on all week."

I knew she was right but I just couldn't bring myself to tell Derek about my sex change. As long as he didn't know I could pretend, pretend it was a strange dream or a weird game, anything to deny that this was real.

"I'll text him and say I had forgotten I had a father/son trip planned and that I'll be out of town for a few more days." Looking at the frowns on their faces, I knew my shopping buddies didn't agree.

"Stiles, that's a weak story. He'll never believe you."

"Well, unless you have something better it's all I have." Even Lydia was without a plan.

"Well, we can think while we shop for shoes." Had to give the girl props, she knew how to prioritize. "Have you ever walked in heels?"

This was going to be a LONG week.

AN: I'd like to thank SpaghettiTaco for being the driving force behind this story. If not for the push to make this MORE it would just be the little ficlet it started out as on Stiles' Has Enough. I hope you enjoy the story. Reviews are nice if you have the time.


	3. Day Three

Day Three

By the time the three of us returned to Lydia's house I was exhausted. Who knew that shopping was such an intense event? Turns out there was a sale on at the shoe store bringing out the girls inner line backers, turning the whole experience into a weird contact sport. Don't let the long eyelashes and dainty looks fool you, girls can be brutal.

"We need to celebrate. Let's go dancing tonight." Holding her victory haul of shoes skyward Lydia spun in a tight circle that sent her hair flying in a copper arc. "We can dress Stiles up and take him for a spin.".

Yep, I'm just a giant, walking Barbie doll.

I was contemplating the pros and cons of being Lydia's favorite plastic toy when my phone rang. "Crap, it's my Dad." I know it's stupid. I've been lying to my dad about werewolves and other mystical things for almost two years, not to mention my dating an older man, and I couldn't think of one story to tell him. I started to reach for the phone hoping that I would have an epiphany once I started talking when Allison knocked the phone away from my hand.

"You're a girl, Stiles. How are you going to explain having a girl's voice to your father?" Oh, I have to thank Scott for dating this wonderfully brilliant girl.

"Thanks, I kinda forgot for a second there." I smiled sheepishly at Allison and let my phone ring to voice mail. "What should I text him?"

"Tell him your camping with Scott and some of your teammates and that you asked him weeks ago and he told you it was okay to go. He will think he forgot and then you'll be off the hook. Works on my parents all the time."

Hoping my dad was as forgetful as Lydia's parents, I sent a quick text to my dad 'reminding' him of my camping trip and promising to call later. I was going to have to start logging my lies down somehow so that I could keep track of them. They were starting to pile up and my conscience was beginning to feel the pressure.

Parental discovery and immanent meltdown averted, the girls returned to their giddy plan making which seemed to revolve around what they would make me wear for the evening. The evil part of my brain started singing some half remembered song about being a Barbie girl as I let myself be lead away.

My stomach was turning inside out by the time we pulled into Lydia's drive. "Can we please get some real food? How about calling for a pizza or Chinese?" My body let out a loud rumble in agreement.

"You don't want to eat heavy foods before you go out. You'll get bloated." Allison quickly helped Lydia excavate me from beneath the layers of shopping bags. I was quickly discovering that boys and girls had a completely different set of rules to be followed about food.

Fish. Naked fish! Un-breaded, un-fried, without a drop of tartar or cocktail sauce. And a side lettuce and other unknown vegetable things was what Lydia considered a light dinner. I, on the other hand, thought a light dinner was only ordering one large pizza with all the toppings. But still I devoured it all, hell I was almost hungry enough to eat the plate.

After dinner the girls spent an hour discussing what I would wear for the evening. "Why can't I just wear the red dress? I like red."

"Hmmmm, red does seem to be your signature color and it looks good on you.". Lydia turned to Allison and they continued to talk in some sort of girl code about shoes; sling backs, pumps, wedges, peep toes. God, I hope they're talking about shoes.

By the time the girls finished with me I looked like I stepped out of a magazine. I stood gaping in front of the floor length mirror on wobbly giraffe legs. Damn heels. They forced by chest up, my butt out and made my ankles were tremble with the unaccustomed strain. And THEY expected me to walk in these things, to dance. I was doing good just standing.

"You need to walk toe/heel instead of heel/toe." Lydia was in full fashion coach mode. "Roll your hips a bit and pick up your knees a little higher and it will help you walk. Go down to the end of the hall and back."

Thank goodness Lydia's family doesn't have anything breakable in the hallway and I've discovered that Allison snorts when she laughs too hard. Yep, my first attempt walking in heels was a spectacular disaster.

"Okay, that was...walking. Here, watch me." With a flick of her hair Lydia strutted down the hallway with a walk that would make runway model snarl with envy. She posed at the end and prowled back.

Allison went next. Within minutes we were all taking turns cat walking down the hallway, striking poses to invisible paparazzi and singing "I'm too sexy for my shirt" and "Work it girl". By the time we were breathless with laughter I had conquered the heels.

"Let's go," Lydia commanded and we all piled into her car and headed for the club.

I've always loved dancing, letting the music take control of my body, feeling the bass in the marrow of my bones with my blood pumping to the tempo and the beat. But even as much as I loved dancing I have always been a klutz on the dance floor, all elbows and twitchy movements. Jackson once compared my dancing to someone electrocuting a drunken Pinocchio.

But in this girl body I just seemed to flow, my body not only moving without the jerky motions I'm so known for but with a sensual slide that had men buying me drinks every time I stepped off the dance floor. By my third Hurricane I knew I was drunk, didn't care but at least I knew what was going on.

"How did he know I was here?" Allison's face lit up even as she tried to look disapproving of her boyfriend who had stalked her to the club. Waving, she gave him a quick hug as he joined the group before laying into him for not letting her have a girls night.

"I missed you. We haven't seen each other since yesterday." I rolled my eyes at Lydia. Dear lord, almost twenty four hours, how could they survive? Sarcasm thy name is Stiles.

"Hi, Scott," I slurred. Crap! By brain caught up with my mouth just a little too late. Scott looked over at me with a confused expression. "Allison's been talking about you all night. I feel like we've known each other for ever." Ha, even drunk off my ass I can cover my tracks with quick thinking. And it wasn't even a lie so no wolfie senses on alert.

"When did you move to town. I haven't seen you around." Some days I thank my lucky stars that Scott is clueless because he managed to miss the panicked expressions on all of our faces as we tried to come up with a non-lie to explain my presence.

"I just love this song," Allison squealed and dragged Scott off to the dance floor leaving Lydia and I in their wake.

Lydia snatched my hand and hauled me out of the club pausing briefly to shoot Allison an email. "She can get a ride home with lover boy. That was just a little too close." I could only nod as the world started to carrousel around me. "Let's get you home before you do something else stupid."

"Hey, you make it sound like me doing something stupid is a reoccurring event. I've gone days without being stupid."

"And I'm sure those were the days you were either in the hospital, grounded, or under Derek." I opened my mouth to deny but couldn't come up with a winning rebuttal. Plus, no one really won an argument with Lydia and it was foolish to even try.

I was ready to crash the moment we reached Lydia's house, each horizontal surface calling out to me, from the couch to the kitchen counter but I was forced to endure another female ritual: make up removal and moisturizing.

There was a cream to remove the eye makeup, special soap for my skin, a pour scrub, topped by a layer of what looked like mayo that I had to cover my face in while I finished getting ready for bed. I'm starting to think that girls are given more hours in the day than boys because I can't figure how they manage to do all this and still have a life. It truly boggles the mind.

I fell asleep brushing my teeth and Lydia, who is now both goddess and saint in my book, lead me gently to bed and tucked the covers around me. "Now that I'm a girl, will you be my best friend?" Smiling Lydia leaned down and kissed me on my forehead.

"Even when you're a boy again, I think we can be best friends." As she slid a stray strand of hair behind my ear and I started to drift off I had a last nagging thought about my sexuality. Damn, who cares, maybe I'm just attracted to gorgeous people no matter what sex they are and I should just stop trying to label myself. Either that or I am so very screwed.

My dreams were filled with visions of Derek, naked and sweaty, wrapping himself around my body as it morphed from female to male but Derek never seemed to notice or care, he just continued to make love to whichever form he held and I woke amazed that I didn't have a raging hard on until I remembered I was lacking those particular parts.

Oh hell. What do girls do in this situation and did I really have the courage to ask Lydia about it. No, being a total coward and sexually frustrated I rolled over and went back to sleep. Tomorrow would be a better day.

I woke to my brains trying to pound their way out of my skull. I staggered still mostly asleep to the bathroom and became completely awake as I searched frantically for my missing body parts. I was a good thirty seconds into cardiac arrest coupled with the biggest panic attack on the planet when I remembered my temporary girlhood.

I have got to start leaving myself notes or something because this cannot be good for my heart. On the up side, I enjoyed the view of my heaving breasts in the mirror as my heart rate and pulse calmed. And yes, I know how screwed up that sounds but hey, have you met me?

Today's breakfast consisted of a cup of low fat yogurt with a handful of granola and some fruit. While I helped Lydia with the dishes and by that I mean I did the dishes and Lydia pointed out the water spots I left behind, I thought about making my escape. My first moments of freedom would be spent stuffing my face with hamburgers and curly fries until I could no longer button my pants.

Knowing that I would have nowhere to go after that kept me firmly in the kitchen. Wearing a pink frilly apron. In my bare feet. Shit, get me knocked up and wearing a string of pearls and I could be a 50's house wife.

After finishing the dishes to Lydia's exacting standards we collapsed on the couch for a little down time. Lydia curled up like a cat in a ray of sunshine and read an advanced math magazine that I had never heard of and could barely pronounce. I watched Supernatural reruns and weighed the pros and cons of Dean vs. Sam. I was leaning toward Dean until Sam took his shirt off and it was like finding a new religion.

Derek's chest is better but Sam's hips in his low slung jeans just made me drool. "Did you ogle men like this before the spell went wrong or is this a new thing?" I squeaked, turning guilty eyes toward Lydia's knowing smirk.

"Truthfully I was all about the girls until Derek. But once I met him and was like he was the only person I could see, the only one that seemed real."

"You really love him." it wasn't a question.

"I really do."

"You know, when he finds out he is going to be hurt that you didn't tell him, that you came to me for help and not him." Swallowing hard I nodded. I had thought this over many times now but I just couldn't bring myself to come clean with Derek. I just had too many fears.

"Well you better start coming up with ways of making it up to him because after he finds out you are going to be doing a lot of groveling. If it was me, I would make you pay." I've loved Lydia since third grade but at that moment I realized how lucky I was that she never returned my affections. Derek would rip me a new one but it would be mild in comparison to what Lydia would do.

I have the most interesting friends.

The rest of the morning was relaxing in a strange sorta way. Lydia's closet is almost like the wardrobe to Narnia, filled with amazing and unbelievable sites. After finding a long white robe and golden belt I spent fifteen minutes in front of the mirror practicing my Princess Leah.

"Help my Obi Wan Kenobi, your my only hope," I gushed as I bent over in a graceful kneel toward my invisible R2D2 for the twentieth time.

"Are you planning on doing this all day? Who is this oboe guy and why does she need his help?" I still love Lydia, I will always love her but I find myself becoming more relieved that I never managed to catch her eye the longer I really know her. How can anyone be so uninformed of the wonder that is Star Wars.

She was saved from my rant on the glory that is George Lucas' epic masterpiece by the ringing of her phone. "Hello, Jackson, " she purred. Then her eyes widened and she looked at me in asolute horror. My first thought was that Derek was hurt.

"Where did you find his jeep?" Derek doesn't drive a jeep. Thank God it's not Derek! "When is the last time you heard from him? Okay, I'm sure Derek isn't handling this well," she mouthed 'you are in so much trouble' in my direction and continued to cover for me with Jackson. "Okay, okay, you do that but I am sure he is fine. Stiles always lands on his feet. I'm sure there is a logical reason that he LIED", Lydia sent me a accusing glare at this, "to Derek about where he would be. Just keep calm."

After a few more moments of agreeing sounds and comforting sounds and a worrisome "I'm sure the Argents have nothing to do with it" she hung up.

"We need to get to Allison's now and then figure out how you are going to fix this. They found your jeep and are convinced you've been captured by the Alphas or hunter's or rabid leprechauns. Derek's ready to come clean with the whole werewolf thing to your dad so that he can get help finding you. Boyd's sitting on Scott while the rest of the pack go and confront the Argents about your disappearance."

"My dad is going to ground me for the rest of my life. How can this get any worse?"

"I don't know. I think a pack of freaked out wolves demanding answers from a family of grieving hunters is a great way to start a mass murder spree or maybe an all out war. But hey, grounding is pretty bad too."

We were a blur out the door, rushing to the Argent's to warn Allison and head off any imminent werewolf attacks. Turning on my phone I franticly texted Allison as Lydia proved that she was the master of all things, from ancient Latin to driving skills that would put a NASCAR driver to shame.

"Allison, the pack found my jeep and have gone bug nuts. We're on our way over to plan how to fix this."

"If you had just told Derek in the first place this would not be a problem." Lydia snorted in agreement from the driver's seat as she shifted gears, picking up speed. "Stiles, if Derek doesn't take you over his knee for this, I will." No wonder Scott is so whipped. Allison is SCARY.

"After this is over, there may be a line." Lydia added sounding just a little too gleeful at the thought. I on the other hand was just a bit turned on.

Lydia screeched to a halt half a block away and left me with the car while she rushed to get Allison, most likely wanting to use the extra moments to plot and scheme. Hopefully in my defense.

Glancing down I was amazed at the amount of texts and missed messages on my phone. It had only been turned off for less than twenty four hours. The last few dozen texts and messages were primarily from Derek. 'Awwww, he really cares about me' and 'oh shit, he is gonna kill me' warred for dominant thought in my brain.

My phone rang in my hand, Derek's ring tone jangling across the quiet neighborhood and I quickly quieted it as I let it ring over to my voice mail.

"What the hell are you doing with Stiles' phone?" Before I could even turn I was slammed into the side of Lydia's car by an enraged Isaac. He twisted me in his grip until I was looking into his face, his eyes blazing gold instead of his usual amber. I had never seen him so furious or deadly.

"Isaac," I gasped. "Listen it's not what you think. If you just give me a chance to explain." There were no chances given. With a snarl Isaac hauled me toward his small Toyota while pressing the trunk release. Lifting me with the same ease that I pick up my backpack he tossed me into the trunk and slammed it shut.

I rolled back and forth in the small space, screaming to Isaac as I was bumped and thumped with increasing intervals. Apparently adrenaline is connected directly to the female tear ducts because I couldn't stop the flood of tears that streamed down my cheeks and dampened my shirt.

The crunch of the drive to Derek's house was both a relief and the catalyst for a full out panic attack. Between the tears, my runny nose, my new claustrophobic tendencies, and my panic attack breathing was becoming a struggle.

Lurching forward with the inertia from the stopping car I bashing my head against the back of the trunk. If Isaac kept driving like this I would be dead long before he had the chance to kill me. I could hear the voices of my pack as they gathered around Isaac's car. "She was in the front of the Argent's house with Stiles' phone. She even has his scent on her. I think they've taken Stiles."

A roar, harsh and pained, raised the hair on the back of my neck seconds before the trunk was ripped open and Scott was dragging me out. Even that day in the locker room when he was trying to kill me was less terrifying than what I faced at this moment. I could barely recognize my friend behind the snarling mass of teeth and glowing eyes

"You! What did you do with him? If he's been hurt I will kill you." The shake snapped my head back most likely giving me whiplash that I would be lucky if I got to feel in the days to come. I had to survive the next few minutes first.

If they killed me would I revert back to my true form? Would I be stuck a girl? What would dad put on my grave?

The sound of Derek's Camaro caused Scott's face to twist into the most grisly smile I had ever had the unpleasantness to receive. He's such a good friend. I will have to thank him if he doesn't kill me today.

Derek erupted from his car, he totally exploded out in one of the hottest displays of fury and aggression I have ever seen, believe me because I watch way too many action films so I am an expert in this particular field. Yea, this will be fantasy material for many showers to come.

Derek was somewhere between his beta form and his hulking alpha form, ebony fur, molten eyes and scary as shit. With a sound I had never heard from Scott, a cross between growl and howl, he flung me at Derek's feet.

Black furred hands tipped with daggers for claws pulled me to my feet directly into the line of werewolf spittle. "Keep your spit to yourself Sour Wolf. If you would just listen I could explain everything." Sometimes my mouth just takes off without consulting my brain or my sense of self preservation.

Derek froze with me dangling from his grip. His features blurred back to human in an instant and he stared at me with a look of bewilderment. "Stiles? What the hell did you do?"

And the damn broke.

I threw myself into his arms trying to work my way under his jacket and shirt so I could press myself against his warm skin, needing his touch, his scent, his strength to anchor me. It was if my whole world had blown apart and the only thing I had left to cling to was my alpha.

"I messed up the spell and now I'm a girl but I didn't want you to see me like this but I don't know how to fix it and I won't change back until the Calvary comes but I don't know anyone who owns a horse or can ride and I don't want you to like girl me better than real me even though I think I look really hot and Lydia made me wear high heels and eat salads."

He just held me tight, pressed against his chest so that I could hear the solid beat of his heart while I rambled until I finally ran out of words. "We'll fix this Stiles. Everything will be okay."

And having him say that, I knew it would be true.

AN: I would like to thank SpaghettiTaco for being my beta and whip for this story. If you love this chapter, you owe her a thank you because I was in full procrastination mode. If you hate this chapter, well – that's all on me.

And … sorry… I know I have not been updating on a regular schedule the last few weeks. I have been reading a couple of new (well new to me) series and have not been writing like I should. Or sleeping. Who needs sleep? Now fifteen books and two weeks later I SHOULD be over my little obsession. Thanks for reading!


	4. Day Four

Day Four

I knew Derek would like the girl me better than the boy me, I just knew it. Lydia can take her "Don't worry Stiles" and shove it where the sun won't shine. Stupid Lydia. Stupid Derek.

I sat on the pack couch engulfed in Derek's leather jacket, the one that _as a boy_ he would barely let me touch. Almost immediately upon discovering that the "evil stranger that must be killed and maimed and then killed again" was actually me, he had wrapped me in the leather like some sort of kink-store Christmas present.

Almost lost in its bulk, I watched Derek stalked back in forth across the room in a rage, hands flashing between clawed tipped wielders of death and clinched fists. Every move he made screamed dangerous predator but the focus of his fury remained unaffected. I always knew Lydia had nerves of steel.

She sat with her legs crossed primly at her ankles, a queen at court, as the pack snapped and snarled around her. I was being ignored; the pack's concentration centered on chewing Lydia and Allison out for hiding me and letting Derek have the biggest freak out in the history of overly tense, emotionally constipated alpha wolves.

"I thought he was captured. I kept thinking he was somewhere alone, hurt or even dead and you were shopping and dancing. Did you even THINK?"

"Derek, I always think. I think things through to the final step, the ones you can't even begin to see. **You** think for a second instead of just reacting. He was scared and frantic. He wasn't ready to look at the situation logically and if he was ready to hide from you what do you think he would have done if I had forced the issue. He would have run from us all and then he could have been in real trouble. At least if he was with me I could keep him safe and occupied. He didn't need any more stress."

I wanted to be offended, to deny the truth of Lydia's words but as soon as I looked her way she raised a haughty eyebrow and I wisely kept my comments to myself. If I haven't said it before, Lydia is scary.

"He could have trusted me." Derek's shoulders slumped in emotional defeat and he turned to look at me for the first time since placing me on the couch. "You could have trusted me, Stiles. Why did you hide?"

In my head I had at least twenty logical explanations for why I went to Lydia for help but what came out of my mouth was, "You like the girl me better."

Derek had looked less surprised when he found out I turned myself into a girl. "What?"

"If I was still a boy you would never let me wear your jacket. You wish I was a girl and now you will always regret being stuck with boy me when I turn back. You will wish I was still girl me and be miserable and it will be my fault."

"It's the hormones. He is having trouble processing them. Male brain, female body, the clash was inevitable." In the shocked silence Lydia raised one dainty shoulder, "I told you I thought everything through."

Derek and Lydia continued to snark back and forth with each other but my I was distracted by Scott's slow slide across the couch to sit next to me. If he yawned and put his arm around me I was hitting him with my heel, best friend or not.

"What's with the couch stalking?"

Blushing, Scott looked up and down, left and right, basically anywhere but at me. "Scott, don't be an idiot. It's still me."

"I know. I just don't know how to talk to you when you are like this. Dude, you have boobs!"

"Really," I gasped looking downward in mock shock at the same time Allison smacked him upside the head. I love Scott but he has more heart than brains.

"Sorry." Ducking his head he scooted over the last few inches and pressed his nose into my side taking a giant whiff off my body. "You smell like you but different."

"It's probably the shampoo Lydia uses. Or one of the hundreds of other things she lathered and sprayed me with. I'm surprised you can smell anything passed the perfume cloud."

Isaac and Jackson moved in from the other side, sliding in between me and the arm of the couch until I was forced almost onto Scott's lap. "What's it like?" Isaac asked.

"You going to fuck Derek from the other point of view?" asked Jackson and the room went silent. "What? You can't tell me that I am the only one thinking that. Hell, Derek, you have to be thinking it too. I know its _**Stiles**_ and I would still be willing to tap his ass."

Lydia snarled and Derek growled. Jackson at least had the wits to realize that he was two seconds away from being eviscerated and beat a hasty retreat. Coward. I wouldn't want to be him when Lydia got through with him.

"Everyone go home. We will meet again tomorrow and try to figure out how to fix this mess. Scott, see if Dr. Deaton has any ideas on how to change Stiles back. I want you all back here tomorrow by ten." A thrust of Derek's chin had the pack scrambling out the door except for Lydia who gave me a kiss on my cheek.

"Your outsides don't change who you are or who you love. Derek has always seen the real you. Don't let this mess up what you have. I have always thought that you were a smart person. Don't disappoint me by turning into an idiot." With a quick hug and a sniff in Derek's growling direction she left the room to ride home with Allison and Scott.

That just left me with Derek. Alone. In an empty house.

Damn, now I'm horny.

Sleeping arrangements were quickly becoming more challenging than climbing Everest. First Derek was going to sleep on the couch downstairs so that I could have the room to my little girly self.

"Don't be an idiot. If you want that much space between us I can go back to Lydia's. I need her to help me get the gunk off my eye lashes anyway. If you do it wrong you end up looking like a shocked raccoon."

"You're not going anywhere. You will not leave my sight until we figure out how to fix you."

"Then I guess you can't sleep downstairs unless X-ray vision has become part of your wolfie powers."

While I was in the shower working the gel out of my hair and what must have been seven layers of make-up off my face Derek was making a nest next to the bed. Wearing one of Derek's tees and nothing else I flopped down on the bed to watch him readjust the mound of blankets and pillows piled on the floor.

"Are you going to circle around three times before you finally lay down and go to sleep?"

"Are you ever going to get tired of the dog jokes?"

I had to think about that for a moment. On one hand this was the man that I loved and I shouldn't make fun of his monthly over-hairy-ness but on the other hand dog jokes just never got old. "It doesn't look like they will be going out of style anytime soon."

Sighing, Derek turned around checking the blankets and pillows one last time as I held my tongue before pointing out that he only had two more turns before Rover-hood. Resting on his side he looked up at my face as I peeked over the edge of the bed.

"I don't like to girl you any better than the boy you Stiles. You are my mate and what you are doesn't matter as much as who you are. I need you to believe that. I need you to know that I love you no matter what form you take." Reaching up he tugged on my bangs before closing his eyes.

That was the longest emotional speech I had ever heard Derek utter. I was torn between panic that he must be thinking he needed to reassure me because I was going to be stuck this way forever and a wave of horniness that had me crossing my legs to get a little friction going. Damn, I should have had THAT conversation with Lydia.

I don't know if it was the shifting of my body on the bed or the sudden influx of teenager-in-_need_ hormones that flooded the air but Derek was suddenly very much awake and looking as flustered as I had ever seen him from his nest on the floor.

"I think Jackson had a good point." I slid off the bed to straddle Derek smiling as he realized that his shirt was really the only thing I had on. "I've missed you. I don't like being away from you for so long." I let my hands run up his chest, leaning over him until my t-shirt clad nipples stroked, feather light, across his flesh bringing them to hard points.

The sensation had my eyes rolling back and a warmth pooling low in my abdomen. Oh my, this was different but good. Leaning down I ran my tongue over Derek's lips until he let me in to trace the contours of his mouth, following a path I had taken so many times before but now was filled with new sensations. His taste was sharper, the drag of his stubble an unexpected counter point against the smoothness of my cheek.

When he gripped my waist his hands almost spanned the whole circumference, fingers and thumbs practically meeting. The callouses on his pads sent shivers across my sensitive skin and I urged him onward, hand upward with moans of pleasure and a not so subtle rocking of my hips.

I thought I would lose it completely when his hands cupped my breasts, thumbs caressing my nipples as he squeezed gently. I was pulling the shirt up over my head as he sat up and he ended up face to face with my newest and bestest friends. Sliding my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck I pulled him forward as I thrust my chest outward, nipple right on target to his warm, moist mouth.

I can't even put it into words. It was as if every pleasure point in my body found the greenest hill to spin upon and sing. Oh yes, my hills were alive with the sensation of Derek. "Don't stop," I commanded, pulling his head closer, back arching to get as much as my body in contact with his hard planes of muscle and skin.

Derek mumbled a response but it was lost beneath the mound of flesh I was doing my best to smoother him with. Note to self: send Jackson a thank you note. Hey, it's the polite thing to do and it will mentally scar him for life. Pluses all around.

Pushing Derek down, I let my hand drift down his body until I could grip his cock, watching his head fall back as I pumped it gently. I have to say being in a girl body has some built in advantages; no lube needed. Resting his tip against my entrance I leaned back and down, taking Derek to the hilt.

"Oh, Shit!" It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. Derek's eyes were wide and flecked with red as I stiffened above him.

"You're a virgin?"

"In this body I guess I am." Derek stayed still, almost rock-like with his chest and abs so very firm beneath my hands, skin warm and hairless except for the trail of dark hair that started just at his waistband so that only I knew it was there. Hair my fingers found and ruffled gently.

The pain was suddenly and completely not a problem. Lifting upward, the feel of Derek's body dragging inside of me a heady rush, I let myself rock backwards and down.

"Oh GOD, Stiles!" I love when Derek gets all breathy. He makes these little huffs as he tries to keep it together. The man always wants to be in control but I love making him come apart. Making him quiver and call my name. Making him mine.

I found a rhythm but I couldn't get the force I needed. I needed harder and faster and more. "Derek!" His hands found my hips and pulled with each thrust of his hips and I threw my head back and rode him until I couldn't remember my own names and the only words I had left were, "love you, love you, love you."

The stars and sparkles faded from my vision as Derek was tucking me back into the bed and snuggling down next to me. Turning my head for a well-earned kiss I smiled at my wolf, "Remind me to send Jackson roses."

One eyebrow was my response. Rubbing his nose beneath my chin he pulled me closer and closed his eyes. "I should have come to you first." A hum of agreement. "I shouldn't have been afraid of how you would react." A warm, soft huff against my skin. "We could have been doing this for DAYS!" Derek's eyes were open and one of his rare, true smiles that made him look younger spread across his face.

Bring on Round Two.


	5. Day Five

Day Five

The pack says I'm a trouble magnet but I swear it has something to do with being around all that supernatural energy and so NOT my fault. I was with Lydia for three days and I was safe and sound and out of trouble. Put me back with the pack and I didn't even last a full six hours before I was neck deep in another mess.

6 A.M

I'm not a morning person, never have been and never will be so it's no surprise that waking up in my normal bed, with my usual boyfriend had my sleep fogged mind ready to completely forget the whole "surprise, you're a girl" situation. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I lurched toward to bathroom for my morning routine. Within nanoseconds of my scream Derek was in the bathroom wolfed to the hilt looking for something to shred.

"Sorry, I tend to forget I am missing some pieces the first thing in the morning." The saying 'let sleeping dogs lie' goes double for werewolves and I was faced with a cranky, sleep deprived alpha who still had not quite forgiven me for hiding out for three days. The sex was helping me make up to him but I still had some groveling to do. "Do you want pancakes for breakfast?"

"Round ones. I don't like it when my breakfast food is shaped like Thumper." He pulled me close for a kiss and I balanced on my toes to make up the new height difference as I deepened it. Breaking the kiss Derek leered down at me, "Maybe breakfast can wait?"

"Hell yeah!"

7 A.M.

Scott has food radar. Anytime I decide to cook he shows up before I can preheat the oven.

"Are you making pancakes? Can you make mine the little mini ones?" Flopping down on the nearest chair he helped himself to a glass of orange juice and a slice of toast.

"There are no "yours". I'm making breakfast for Derek." I turned armed with a spatula only to find myself face to face with my greatest weakness; puppy eyes. Scott's brown orbs of sadness were my Kryptonite. Sigh. "How many do you want?"

By the time Derek made it down the stairs I had fed the bottomless pit three helpings of mini-pancakes and started making waffles and omelets as the rest of the pack begin to show up, the call of a free meal echoing through some sort of magical pack bond. It's either that or Scott texted the pack when my back was turned.

Derek settled at the head of the table and I pushed a plate laden with pancakes, bacon, and sausage in front of him along with a steaming cup of black coffee. He let his arm slip around me and pulled me onto his lap for a kiss.

"Look how domesticated we are. All you need is a string of pearls and you would be the perfect Mary McHomeMaker." Jackson entered the kitchen, helped himself to coffee and spread his usual vile and snark around the room. Mental note: add poison ivy to the flowers I send Jackson.

"Jackson," Derek growled in my defense. "Stop teasing Stiles." Jackson just shrugged and smirked as he drank his coffee and stole slices of bread off Isaac's plate.

"Scott, what did Deaton say about Stiles?" I hopped off Derek's lap and made a plate for myself while Scott explained that until the parameters of my spell were met, I was stuck in this form.

"Okay, who do we know that owns a horse?" I shoved half a pancake in my mouth ignoring the look of displeasure that crossed Lydia's perfect face. I just wrinkled my nose in reply. I had spent three days under her food dictatorship but now I was free to eat real food, the kind of stuff that has taste and calories. To drive my point home I poured an extra helping of syrup on my next bite.

"I don't think its horse specific, Stiles." Lydia speared a single fleck of omelet onto one tine of her fork. "I think you have the spell set so that there has to be some sort of rescue in order for it to be broken and you cam revert back to your normal self."

"So all I need to do is get into some sort of trouble and have Derek rescue me? Hell, that's any day of the week that ends with Y around here. Let me get my jeep and drive around, I bet I can be in life threatening danger before lunch." I was joking, I swear but Derek has a limited sense of humor.

The next thing I knew I was being carried up the stairs and locked in the bedroom with Scott sworn to keep me there and protect me at all cost while Derek and the rest of the pack divided to find more information on how to break my spell and handle the alpha pack problem. In all my girly-ness I had forgotten completely about them.

8 A.M.

Not like it took a lot of convincing on my part. I just mentioned how we would be stuck in the room all day long and Derek didn't have Netflix, cable, or even an Xbox. Scott was offering to ferry me to town so that we could hit a Red Box for a couple of movies to pass the time before I even finished my sentence. Sometimes I wonder if he was dropped on his head at some point in his early development. It would explain the crooked jaw line.

It was a struggle for me to find something that I was willing to be seen out in public wearing. After trying on all my boy clothing and quickly discarding it I stumbled on a perfect solution. I wore my leggings and heels from the day before along with one of Derek's shirts. Looping my belt around my waist turned it into a cute dress that wouldn't embarrass me.

"Dude, you never spent this much time getting ready. What is your deal?" Styling my hair to the best of my product free ability, I glared over my shoulder at Scott.

"It's different when you are a girl. People judge you by different standards and if I left the house looking like I usually do then people would think…" I had to stop myself there and think about what was coming out of my mouth. "God, I hope that was a by-product of living with Lydia and not a warning sign that the girl thing is becoming permanent." Lydia had said something about me having a boy brain and a girl body, what if that was starting to change. What if the more time I spent in a girl body the more I would start to think and act like one.

"Dude, you squealed and jumped on a chair when we had that spider last week. I'm pretty sure you are as girly as they get." Well, crap. I hadn't meant to say that last part out loud.

9 A.M

We stopped by Scott's house to get a couple of movies he had already rented as well as a supply of comics and other needed survival supplies. Derek is a bit of a health food nut and while his house is stocked with food, none of it falls under the heading of snack food. After three days with Lydia I was ready to stuff myself with empty calories and sugary goodness.

What should have taken five minutes turned into an hour as we got caught up in a quick game online. We would have played longer but the text from Derek asking me if I wanted him to bring me home some lunch from my favorite restaurant had me kicking Scott into high gear.

I wasn't worried. I had at least two hours before Derek got home and noticed I was not locked in the ivory tower.

You would think that by now I would know not to listen to myself.

10 A.M.

We ran into my dad. Literally. Scott was flipping stations as he turned the corner and, even with his wolf reflexes, couldn't stop the car in time. It was just a small bump, not even enough to dint the fender but it was enough to get my dad's attention.

"Scott? I thought you were camping with Stiles." Crap, crap, crappity, crap. Scott can't lie to save his own life much less mine. I was screwed and not in the fun way.

Scott did his version of the village idiot while I cranked up the charm. "Hi, Sheriff. I'm Starla. Scott and Stiles just got back this morning which was perfect. My car died and he's taking me over to Lydia's." Dropping my elbow into Scott's diaphragm, twisting it deeper as I batted my eyes at him. "Didn't you say you dropped Stiles off before picking me up? Something about letting him come down off his marshmallow high."

Dad let out a long winded sigh. "I wish you wouldn't let Stiles have so much sugar. Now he will be bouncy for days. Hopefully he will be a little calmed down by the time I get off my shift tonight otherwise I'm sending him over to spend the night with you." Grumbling about how he never thought the doctors meant it literally when they said bouncing baby boy, he got back in his squad car and drove away.

I spent the next few minutes flailing wildly at Scott in an embarrassing display of a hissy fit.

10:27 A.M.

The alpha pack was barred from pack territory by my spell but it didn't include the town. Just my luck. It's not like Beacon Hills is that small, you can go for months without running into people but I can't make it a week without running into the very people who want to skin my alive and use me for a fireplace rug.

"You smell like the little Spark but you look so different. Did you think changing your form would hide you from my pack?" I was still reeling from having the door ripped off its hinges as I was pulled from the passenger seat. The brief struggle between the wolf and my seatbelt had left me bruised and slightly strangled. I hung limply from his grasp as another three wolves pummeled Scott on the other side of the car.

"Don't kill him. I want him to deliver a message for their alpha."

Forced to his knees, surrounded by three powerful alphas that had just beaten the crap out of both him and his car, Scott still refused to back down. He struggled against the clawed hands that held him in an effort to get to me. He really is a good friend.

"Let him go. If you hurt him Derek will kill you. Hell, I'll kill you and the pack will kill you and his father the sheriff will kill you." As threatening speeches went, Scott's was just a little embarrassing. The hand gripping me shook as the alpha chuckled evilly at my best friend.

"Please, tell the whole pack that we have their precious Spark. It will make it so much easier if I can kill them all at one time." Tossing me over his shoulder the alpha ran off with me dangling over his skinny ass.

Derek was going to kill me.


	6. Day Six

Day Six

What is it about bad guy and run down warehouses? Really, how cliché can you get. If I was Derek, I would just start looking at every dank, dark, run down hell hole until I found the evil bastards.

"Can you guys not afford a nicer place? I swear if I see a cockroach I am screaming and clawing someone's eyes out. These nails aren't just for show." I don't think I made much of an impression with my threats. I guess when you have claws that can tear through car doors a fancy manicure doesn't seem that dangerous.

I was completely ignored. As a human in a pack of werewolves I'm used to being overlooked and thought of as the weak link but they had a surprise coming. I don't know what that surprise will be but they WILL be surprised.

Okay, now I'm not even impressing myself. Damn, I so suck at this.

I tucked my knees to my chest, pulling Derek's shirt closer around me, as I watched the alpha pack prepare for battle. Compared to the relative youth of the Hale Pack these alphas looked battle hardened and scary. It was kinda like watching the warriors from 300 except for the jeans and stained T-shirts they were wearing.

To say they were muscular would be like saying Everest is tall, the word just lacks the scope needed to describe the reality. The leader was short for a male, much shorter than six foot but built like a brick wall. His massive shoulders seemed to brush the frame as he walked through the doorway. Load him up with some adamantium and a cigar and he could be Wolverine.

My two guards, Thing One and Thing Two, looked like they spent all their time in a gym pumping iron and doing bad Arnold impressions in front of the mirror as they flexed. The alpha pack looked at me in disgusted confusion when I broke into giggles when Thing two slapped his partner on the shoulder and rumbled "I'll be back." I know they're a crazed, bloodthirsty,' take over the world one pack at a time' group but , damn, how could they not pick up on a Terminator quote.

My giggles of "Are you Sarah Connor?" flew disappointingly over their dense heads. Sigh.

Their voodoo queen moved across the room toward me, slithered really, each step paired with a sideways roll of her body, head tilting, shoulders dipping to the side, a slow undulation from chest to hips, followed by the next step and a repeat of the whole process.

"You know if you add some mud and look at little _less_ creepy you could double for the first Slayer from Buffy. Not a fashion look to copy but hey, I'm not judging."

Human claws, nails thick and ridged, traced up my throat from the hollow up to my chin, lifting my head up and back so she could look down on my face. If she spits on me we are **so** having a bitch fight.

"How can someone as insignificant as you be the much heralded spark?" She did a dead - on evil witch cackle and slithered away. _Bitch._

As one the pack lifted their heads, turning to look at the far wall. "What is it Lassie? Did Timmy fall down the well?" Thing One snarled and swatted at me. Lucky for my continuing health he was mostly out of range and I'm getting better at ducking but even the tips of his fingers that smacked against my shoulder left a stinging imprint. "Dude, that's going to bruise."

"Take the spark upstairs. Let him watch his friends come and die."

Thing One and Two dragged me up two flights of stairs and tossed me into a large room. There were windows on both side of the corner so that I had a clear view of the action down on the street below. The wire mesh kept me from signaling my friends but I pounded on the glass anyway hoping to alert them to my presence. They're werewolves, they should be able to hear my cries of "It's a trap you morons."

I felt like a freaking fairy tale princess locked in the tower waiting for her prince to come. Why is it that I am always the one that needs to be rescued? For once I would like to be the one that come riding in at the last moment to save the day.

A caravan of dark SUV's came around the corner followed by Boyd's truck and Jackson's Porsche. Chris and a gaggle of hunters, along with Allison and Scott, stepped out of the SUV's. Derek must have been pretty desperate to join forces with the Argents. I watched the rest of the betas file out of the other vehicles wondering where Derek was when a sleek red Mustang screamed down the street.

"It's my horse!" I jumped up and down, fist pumping the air as I danced in a circle. Yeah, I know it's a car but it has the shiny horse symbol on the side and Derek. My mouth dropped at the sight as Derek emerged from the car. To my eyes he moved in that slo-mo fashion from action flicks. All he needed was an explosion in the background. "The Calvary has arrived."

Pale blue sparkles danced across the room. At first I thought it was light reflected from the cars below but the sparkles gathered, spinning around me like drunken fireflies, their energy pulsating across my skin. It was my bouncy blue spell from the forest.

I was happy to see it until it slammed into my side and knocked me half way across the room. I felt like silly putty for a moment, stretched and pulled, as the blue glitter of light swarmed around me. Thank goodness I was wearing Derek's shirt because by the time they dimmed I was back to the boy me and none of my girl Stiles clothes would have fit. I completed a frantic check for parts. Score! I'm back to being boy Stiles. I would have hugged myself but I didn't have time for that, maybe later in the shower I would get better acquainted with all my long missing parts.

My impromptu love fest with myself was interrupted by the sound of fighting down stairs. Howls, screams, and the rapid fire of guns had me pounding on the door to get out. I threw my whole body against it again and again but except for the sore shoulder nothing changed. I was still locked in the tower waiting for rescue.

My little bubbles of light continued to dance and weave about me. I reached out and a cluster consolidated around my hand, flowing up my arm until my left side was bathed in neon blue light. Pressing my hand against the lock I willed the magic into the lock, focused my power and believed.

The door swung open and slammed into the wall hard enough to crack the old plaster. I was free.

I rushed down the two flights of stairs to find myself in the middle of a blood bath. Two of the alphas were down but they had taken most of Argent's men with them. Erica was down but the way Isaac was protecting her limp form I was hopeful that she was still alive. Even with greater numbers my pack was being taken down by the alphas, slowly forced to retreat toward the door.

At the back of the room the voodoo bitch was painting ruins along the walls with a black ichor. As she touched the last one they all glowed a sickly green, like day glow pus. My pack faltered, all dropping to their knees except for Derek who swayed wildly but stayed upright. Chris and Allison moved forward to cover their sudden weakness but I knew they couldn't withstand the alpha pack for long.

Scott always talks about how being a werewolf is mostly instinct. He has trouble putting his feelings and actions into words. I had never understood his mumbled "it just feels right" until the second I sliced my palm across a rusty nail and pounded my hand against one of the ruins.

_I was so going to get a tetanus shot after this_.

I pushed back against the alpha's magic, feeling her hatred and lust for blood in the signal beneath my hand. I poured all the love I had for my pack, my loyalty to friends, and rage at the alphas for forcing a group of teenagers to become killers to protect their town and loved ones into the ruins.

My blue spread slowly within the green. It pulsed in time with my heart beat moving further out with each thump. The voodoo queen howled, head thrown back, eyes wide with shock and pain as my blues engulfed the last ruin. Falling to her knees she continued in a high pitched panting scream that went on and on as she clawed her face and neck until Chris put a bullet in the back of her head.

The room fell to silence as she slumped to the floor.

As I walked down the last few steps I could feel the power left over in the ruins, they whispered to me of the joy of a slow kill, the pleasure felt as your enemies entrails twisted in your grip. Taking a deep breath I could smell the scent of blood, copper and cloying with a hint of sweetness like flowers on a grave. My spell wove itself around me until the room was cast completely in blue.

I took the last step and my power flowed outward across the cement floor and the alpha pack flinched in pain. It would be so easy. With a thought I could pulverize their hearts within their chests, freeze the breath in their lungs, taste their screams on the night's air.

My magic tensed like a muscle reading for the final blow and then I saw Derek.

I'm not a killer. I don't want that for my pack, I don't want our protection to be built in blood and bones. The whispers of death died back and my vision cleared.

The last of the alphas were kneeling, huddled in the center of the room.

"Not your land. Not your town. Not your territory." I sent a warning pulse outward. "You need to leave. I'm offering you a chance." I sent another burst of power and every door in the building flew open as the windows blasted outward in a shower of glass. "Leave and live. Stay and die. Your choice."

The alpha pack bolted, scattering in all directions leaving just the Hale Pack and our strange new allies standing in the room. Danger over, I could feel the magic leaving, water down the drain all swirly, twirly.

Next thing I knew I was looking up at Derek's worried face. "My legs are all jello-ee." I whined just a little.

"It's okay, I've got you." Slipping his arm under my shoulder and around my waist, Derek helped me to my feet and held me close. I rested my head against him as I fought to keep my eyes open.

I was barely aware of the rumbled exchange between Derek and Chris, something about a treaty and safety of all…blah, blah, blah. There had to be a flat surface somewhere with my name on it. Hell, I was just going to fall asleep standing up.

I must have actually dozed off because my next lucid moment was when Derek was helping me up the stairs of the Hale house and onto the couch. The pack curled around me, taking turns pressing their noses against my neck.

Jackson was the last, adding his own special, loving touch with a smack to the back of my head. "Leave and live. Stay and die. You go all sparkly blue badass and that was the best line you could come up with. Stiles, you have got to work on your material. I was almost embarrassed. "

Derek gave a half-hearted growl and the rest of the pack just chuckled. It was good to be home.

Four Months Later

Four months and there hasn't been a killing or monster incursion the entire time. I am beginning to worry just a little because this much peace and quiet can't be a good sign.

Not that it has been completely quiet the last couple of weeks. At first I thought I had food poisoning but after the fourth day I knew that it couldn't have been anything I ate. Dad took me to two different doctors who both said I had a bad case of the stomach flu that was going around.

Derek was not so sure. After a marathon sniffing session that led to yummy naked time, he took me off to see Dr. Deacon to get another opinion. I think me throwing up on his leather jacket was the breaking point. Hey, he wasn't wearing it at the time so I'm not feeling too bad.

The Doc took his time, used multitudes of colored ash and dust and said he'd call me in the morning. I wasn't even concerned, certain that he would just tell me about the importance of drinking fluids and staying hydrated. I had my "okay Doc, I'll be good" speech memorized by the time my phone rang.

"The FUCK?" Derek and the pack appeared in the living room as my heart jumped into overdrive. "How the every loving hell is that even possible?" I listened and jotted down instructions for the next few minutes doing my best to ignore the growing agitation from the pack. "Okay, okay, I've got it. I'm going to hang up now and panic."

I dropped my phone and wrapped my arms around the biggest pillow on the couch. Derek approached me slowly, dropping to his knees in front of me to wrap his arms around my waist. "Whatever it is we can handle it together. It will be okay. If you need me to, I can give you the bite. Stiles, it will be okay."

And because he said it, I knew it was true. Smiling I said, "I know we can handle it together but you get to be in charge of handing out the diaper duty schedule to the pack."

I curled into the couch and watched the pack react. It's not every day I find out that I'm about to become a father. Or would that be a mother? Oh hell, I will figure it out later.

AN: Once again all thanks and praise goes out to SpaghettiTaco for getting me to write this little story. I hope everyone has enjoyed Two out of Three. It has been a lot of fun to write. Special thanks to Name's Nick, Lycan Lover 411, Gothchiq80, xMissxSpunkx, blatant-fanservice-lover, danillands, Panda 24, UmbrataLupus, Athle, kyzhart, Haven-holmes, BurningSky, Just as it is, Thisismyfanfictionname, Twisted-67,and LifelessLil for the reviews. I also had a couple of guests so if you don't see your name….Thank You!

I hope this crazy story made you smile. And now I get to check the complete box. Yeah me!


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